MESSY LIFE

Lifelong Learning

It is never too late to learn. The back to school crunch can influence you, even if you don't have children. Do you remember the excitement of that new book bag and lunch pail?  That feeling of "a hopeful fresh start" as you put on your new outfit and fresh shiny shoes and ventured out into the next grade.

Let the change in season, from Summer to Autumn, inspire you to try something different. Take a class, start a new hobby, join a group. Be a student again.

I'm on a roll...more on weight

 I mentioned awhile back that I went to Blogher. At the conference I was standing at the elevator and this warm and friendly woman started talking to me. She is Janice Taylor artist, author, and weight-loss coach (to name a few of her many talents.)
She is the author of,  Our Lady of Weight Loss: Miraculous and Motivational Musings from the Patron Saint of Permanent Fat Removal and her latest book, All is Forgiven, Move On.

I think that after discussing bodily image and function on my last post, it seems fitting to follow up with an introduction to Janice's approach to weight loss. Most people know that diets don't work. It is not the food, but our attitude and relationship with it that gets us into trouble. Janice fully understands this and has a playful and humorous approach to weight loss. In fact, Janice has "101 Fat Burning Steps"  to manage negative self talk and behaviors, and support you on "Your Journey to Sveltesville."

Equally helpful and supportive are her KICK IN THE TUSH CLUB groups. It helps to have other like minded individuals to share your journey with.

Her approach is guilt free and as her autograph in my copy of All is Forgiven says, " Spread the word not the icing."

 

Inner-critic/ Inner-boss

Much of my work is guiding people to explore their inner negative critic. Your critic voice either whispers ,or in some cases, screams bad thoughts  in your head.  I liken it to a two year old toddler having a meltdown in your mind  without the benefit of adult supervision. For many people it is a constant companion and left unchallenged, can and does cause much suffering.

The critic's voice becomes as rote as brushing your teeth.  It is ever so willing to remind you of your imperfections. This voice can be present when you are trying to communicate or complete a task. It is equally comfortable at home, work, or school. 

Skellie in Anywired did this great post about how our inner voice can become a style of boss that we carry with us into our workplace. If we want to understand how our habits function in our lives, it is important to see how they both help and hurt us. I think Skellie did a great job of explaining how to work with the inner-boss's strengths and challenges.

Looking for Mr./Ms. Right

This is an interesting article from the NY Times about specialized on-line dating services. According to this article by J. Courtney Sullivan, "... there are now 1,378 United States dating sites... 44% of those sites are niche sites." 

It makes sense that people want to date people with common interests, or want to be with someone from similar ethnic, or religious backgrounds.  As much as people state that they are  open to differences, it is understandably more comfortable to bond around their similarities. In the uncertain world of dating, starting with the something in common provides something safe to talk about.

"Opposites attract" can be  nice in theory, but  knowing that you share farming, or a love of Ayn Rand writings can make dating less scary.

" My Stroke of Insight"

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Neuroanatomist, wrote  "My Stroke of Insight." This former Harvard brain research scientist spent her life studying the brain in order to better understand her brother's schizophrenia. She wanted to answer the questions many of us have. What is perception? What is reality? How does one person's "reality" become delusion?  Her research involved mapping the brain's circuitry by measuring certain chemical reactions in those diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Bi-polar and Schizoaffective disorder, from those in a control group.

This short clip on TED, tells of how she experienced her own brain's shutting down during a massive stroke. I believe from what she says at the end of her presentation, is that her stroke and eight year recovery process has made her relate more with her "consciousness", than her role as an intellectual scientist.

She asks us to examine in our own lives who we are and to choose how we want to be in this world. Her passion is reminiscent of someone describing a religious experience. I found myself wanting to ask her many questions about her past work and her present life. I think we do have to make those hard choices about who we are, but I believe that we can be both an individual ( the research scientist) and part of the larger collective "consciousness."

Our individual purpose is perhaps more useful when combined with sensitivity for the world we inhabit.  We do have a choice to stay separate or find meaning in participating in something greater than ourselves.

Thanks to my friend Donna, who introduced me to this site and information.

Improving Self Esteem and Cooperation

I am a clinical supervisor at a mental health agency and one of my graduate school trainee's works at this martial arts studio that appeared on MSN. I really liked the message of the founder and director of the program.  She was encouraging internal strength, personal responsibility, and cooperation.

I have often wondered if martial arts training may in some way be giving children a message of solving issues through physical violence. Not that they are promoting that, but that children who are very concrete and literal might interpret the message in that way; not understanding the finer points of the philosophy.

I have to say, that in this clip,  it appeared that not only does her teaching include technical skills training  but also the opportunity to discuss and process their understanding of what they are learning and how it can be applied in their life.

Encouraging children to learn critical  thinking, communication skills and self expression adds to the whole of the learning experience. Children can integrate what they are being taught if they have a process that allows them to explore the full adventure.

ONCE - Again

In the big scheme of things this is probably pretty silly , but I was thrilled to see the song " Falling Slowly" from the movie "Once"   win for best song at the Oscar awards. See my previous post  about the movie and watch the music video.

It was a "little film" about relationships and hope and self expression. No violence. No sex. Just real  messy life things many people contend with;breakups and single parenting and loneliness. The parents of the two main characters were actually depicted as supportive and caring, which was a refreshing change as well. ONCE is about getting stuck in life  and getting unstuck through friendship and love.

It is nice to see the movie's  message honored in such a large and restrictive venue. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova are songwriters that had a dream to be heard and they were. I think it was very human and touching that Oscar host, Jon Stewart called Marketa Irglova back on stage for her few minutes to thank people for her win. Both Glena and Marketa were humble and grateful and encouraged other to hope and create.

Here's to all  "little films and the little songs."  May we see and hear more of them and be inspired.
  

ONCE: the movie

It is easy to get cynical about male/female relationships, but there is a wonderful film out now on DVD that reminds us that we can also allow  them to heal us. ONCE  is a modern day musical that shows us the power of friendship and the creative spirit.  There is no sex, violence, or nudity, just great music and a whole lot of heart and soul. Check it out here  or here, and then go rent it. It'll lift your spirits.

Out with the old. In with the new.

Happy New Year!
The new year stretches before us with endless possibilities. In talking with acquaintances,clients and friends, over the holidays,  I often heard how glad people were that 2007 is over. It was a bad year they explain and they are now filled with hope for 2008. There is a lot of hype about the new year, but when we return to our everyday lives we realize that much is the same. The old saying "Where ever you go, there you are;" comes to mind.

People vow to change their relationships, partners, jobs, and so forth. "This year will be different" they claim. Sometimes there is a need to change the external in our lives ,but it has little lasting impact if our internal process remains the same. 

We may get that  new partner or job, but we find that the relationships are remarkably similar to what we just left. It may be that we continue to be attracted to what doesn't work for us ,or it may be that how we view things is more of the issue. 

If we take our old beliefs,or old coping strategies with us into our new ventures there is bound to be some disappointments. We begin to reinforce that things won't change or get better for us. It is important to spend sometime exploring how we think and feel about what we would like to have different. What changes need to occur internally to make the external more meaningful? What expectations do we have about the change- is it realistic?  It is often a balance between thinking and doing. There needs to be some time spent on both,so that 2008 won't be another year your glad to see go.

Tis the Season for Giving

In keeping with the holiday theme of the last two posts, I thought I'd mention something about the tradition of making this time of year; the "Season of Giving."  This is a big time of year for charity drives. There are many worthy causes out there and there is no shortage of need. Sometimes it  helps to give to others when you are experiencing the "winter blues."   It also can be equally satisfying when you are feeling joyous and grateful.   

I received (from a corporation) a gift donor card. They assigned the monetary value and I picked the project.  It was the corporation's  way of thanking me for my business, by including me in their corporate charity drive.  The charity they chose is called Donors Choose.org   Public school teachers from all over the country write a proposal for projects they would like funded. You  can view them by project, or by geographical location.  You can fund it partially or in full.  While this is not a pitch or an endorsement for this charity, ( I'm sure you already have your favorites) I thought this was a really cool idea.